Personal Goal Setting is about You

This personal goal setting article tells you exactly how to plan and write personal goals that have the best chance of success. How? Because the goals you write will help you become accountable to your real self by reflecting your identity and your deepest values.

That's the 'added value' on this page. You will be interested to read the personal development goals page, too. But if putting the word 'personal' – in other words ensuring that the goals you choose are an authentic reflection of the real you – in front of 'goal setting' is important to you, please consider this article first.

I'll provide this link to personal development goals again at the end of this article, so if you've jumped ahead, close that window and consider these ideas first.

You may find this kind of values-based personal goal setting challenging. The main challenge comes from your own integrity: that part of your being whose function is to keep you aligned with your life purpose.

This kind of personal goal setting will bring parts of your inner self into focus and provides you with an opportunity to check whether the life you are leading expresses the real you. Or, are you simply expressing the beliefs and values' you learned as you adapted to the reward and punishment system that maintains the norms of our families, schools and political systems?

The rewards of alignment and personal goal setting are clear, as Thomas Paine said:

“It is necessary to the happiness of man that

he be mentally faithful to himself.”

 

“Begin with the End in Mind” ...

... is a quote from best-selling leadership author and consultant, Stephen Covey's mega-best-selling book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (if you don't own a copy, maybe now is the time to check it out). It's one of the books I've found consistently clear, challenging and motivating. I recommend it whole-heartedly.

The quote emphasizes the importance in personal goal setting of a clear vision of the future. A builder won't start a new home without carefully drawn plans. Covey suggests imagining what the eulogy at your own funeral would say. Morbid? No. Compassionate? Yes.

Why? Because how many of us – if we were told we had only six months to live – wouldn't change a thing?

The conviction that the end of life is a certainty, coupled with the conviction that none of us knows how or when we will die can really put the fire under life! Those two ideas have been used to impart spiritual discipline and personal goal setting for millennia.

When I was twenty-one I spent six weeks in hospital. The six months after I got out were some of my most creative - a similar effect. Injecting a little urgency into life from time-to-time helps to counter all those ways we find to put things off 'till tomorrow ... and the next day ... until those tomorrows grow into years.

Is there a clear connection between your values and your goals?

It's the values that put the 'personal' into personal goal setting.

Values and Personal Goal Setting

Let's start with a definition:  Values are core convictions about what is 'right and proper' (good, ethical, just, morally defensible) in your eyes. They are important cornerstones of who you believe yourself to be and where you want to go with your personal goal setting. Values are important motivators: you're usually happy to expend energy and effort in doing those things that align with your value-system. Equally – but in the opposite direction – you'll spend energy avoiding those things that run counter to your values.

From the time we are young children we 'process' our experiences into values, and as we grow they tend to become fixed, unless challenged. Usual influences: parents, teachers, religious figures, other significant people, the culture we are born into, the media and advertising.

Because in and outside personal goal setting we are motivated to take actions that align with our values, and avoid doing those things that conflict with them, they have a strong influence on the life we build. What you see around you reflects your choices and therefore your values.

 

Identifying Your Values in Personal Goal Setting

In Hamlet, Shakespeare wrote, "To thine own self be true."

That's how important it is to remain true to your own self image. But … which self? And … whose values? Before you go on with personal goal setting it is wise to investigate your values.

For now we'll pursue a somewhat idealized version of values development, but as a caution, bear in mind that most of our core values were not developed by an act of free will! Like Marie, many of us have conflicting values.

Some say your values remain constant, but I've worked with many people who are engaged in re-evaluating their lives, and re-orienting their lives based on a reassessment of who they are … and what is really important to them if they are to feel creative, happy and fulfilled.

Your personal values are a kind of 'code of conduct' to abide by in order to feel fulfilled and happy. They are an expression of your own beliefs about life, people, morality and who you are.

Perhaps it's worth re-stating the Gandhi quote I've used elsewhere on the site:

your beliefs become your values

your values become your thoughts

your thoughts become your words

your words become your actions

your actions become your habits

your your habits become your destiny

 

Who am I? A Major Aspect of Personal Goal Setting

Those who are in touch with their core values are best able to live their lives congruently: that is, their outer world is consistent with their deepest inner life. Once you understand the qualities and traits that you value, you can recognize and enhance your ability to live by those values. You will be able to understand who you are and why you are living life this way. You will be clearer about some of the big questions that Life throws at us: 'Who am I?' … 'Why am I here?' for example. Personal goal setting becomes a natural next step that way.

Living a life that reflects your personal goal setting and your values usually means that:

• Life becomes more meaningful: you take those opportunities to share more of yourself with others, for example.
• You are in touch with your life's purpose: what you create today becomes richer when it is connected to the broad aims you have for your life.
• For example buying bricks is … well … buying bricks! But what if choosing building materials is an expression of your dream to build an energy efficient home?  And an energy efficient home reflects the value you place in living sustainable? That step is in the service of your bigger dream, and becomes a richer experience as a result.
• The next step (and the next) are directed clearly towards objectives for the life you see ahead. Personal goal setting becomes much more easy that way.
• As you re-build your home – or your life – you start to feel like an artist working on a new creation.
• Your choices are easier. The highway, or the 'road less traveled'? Those crossroads and dilemmas tend to melt away … you trust your instincts.
• You don't burn up energy in inner conflict. You reduce stress.
• By reducing inner conflict life becomes simpler.

 

Gandhi again:

“Happiness occurs when what you think, what you say

and what you do are in perfect harmony.”

 

 

Did You Choose Your Values, or Did They Choose You?

It may be more difficult than you think to sit down and write out a list of values. You want to find words, yes, but it is the deeper feelings that these words elicit that are really important. It requires a certain amount of thinking, musing and reflecting to create a list of words that encapsulate how you intend to attain a full and happy life. But don't just seek words in your personal goal setting quest. Learn to look for an inner glow of recognition.

Connect this work with self-awareness exercises. Be prepared to wait, and to commit time and energy. And commit also to relaxing. Often you can't drill down straight into your core values. You may get messages in dreams, memories or other stray thoughts at odd times. Write them down, and be prepared to see the discovery of core values as a process, an important aspect of how you unfold your life … and not just a one-off event.

Remember, a lot of our most deeply-held beliefs and personal values were drummed    into us. We were socialized, acculturated, domesticated into accommodating to the values and beliefs that exist in the society we were born into. That usually means that aspects of our authentic, real selves have been suppressed.

The reason for stressing the 'warm glow of recognition' is that our real selves are programmed to recognize what is authentic in us: in what we do, say, value and believe.

Personal Goal Setting – Quick Values Inventory

Given that our values determine where we are prepared to commit our time, energy, money and other resources, think about:

• How you spend your time
• What you spend money on
• How you commit emotional resources; what do you feel strongly about?
• What grabs your attention ... and keeps it?
• The investment you make in possessions: home, car, gadgets
• How you invest time in people and relationships
• The topics or issues you spend time thinking or talking about

Where are your greatest energy commitments? Are you beginning to get a feel for and ability to clarify and express your values?

Personal Values and Holistic Personal Goal Setting

By 'holistic' here I mean to give you the opportunity to uncover aspects of your self that you might not have considered otherwise. Let's gather up all the threads of what it means to be a fulfilled human being, and attach values to each one.

There are a number of different threads to consider. I've organized them from the core outwards: from spirituality to the environment. They may not all be of interest to you right now – just focus on the themes that are important to you.

I sometimes ask you to imagine someone whose example in each of these areas you value. Probably not the same person in each case. They might be a spiritual or political leader; a friend or family member; a figure from literature, the arts, popular culture; a boss or work colleague; a teacher who inspired you.

Think about anyone who most epitomizes what you most value in each of these areas of human experience. You do not need to know these people intimately … let your imagination fill in the gaps – or create the person entirely! It's your values that you are out to unearth, after all. Don't get hung up on factual accuracy. Personal goal setting is about mobilizing your own creative forces.

It does sometimes help too imagine a conversation with that person. Just get curious with them about their values and their motivations.

Themes in Personal Goal Setting

• Spirituality: your relationship with your notion of the divine
• What do you value most in your relationship to the divine? Alternatively,
• What values underpin your humanism, agnosticism or atheism?
• What, to you, is the value of questions like: Who am I really? Why am I here? What is my life for?
• Who, for you, most epitomizes your own spiritual values?
• What goals do you have for your spiritual self?

• Emotions: feelings and sensations
• Do you value emotional coolness or intensity?
• Do you get stuck with certain emotions, like anger, remorse, regret, anxiety? Or do you feel emotions appropriately, then move on?
• Are you comfortable expressing what you feel? In your life, have you grieved your losses well … and moved on?
• What does 'emotional health' mean to you?
• Who represents a rich and balanced emotional life? What do you most value about their example?

• Intellectual life: your ability to think and reason
• Are you able to concentrate, work through problems and issues, think clearly and have a good memory?
• Is it important to you to continue to learn and study, to read and write, to tax yourself intellectually?
• What do you use your mental capacities for? What would you miss most if your thinking was impaired in some way?
• Goals for study or qualifications.

• Your creative self: in some ways an extension of emotional, intellectual and physical selves
• Can you break the mold, see things differently, dream impossible dreams?
• Your ability to innovate, improvise, paint a new vision of how things could be.
• Painting, and drawing; writing, music, drama.
• Starting a business, seeing new opportunities for community and faith groups.
• How important is it to you to be creative?
• What goals do you have for creating new beginning for yourself and the people you relate to?

• Physical body: health and fitness
• Do you value your physical appearance, how you appear to others?
• Do you value your ability to walk, run, take part in sports?
• What is important to you about your physical health?
• Do you have goals in living with or managing a disability or illness?

• Your occupation: how you contribute materially to yourself, your family, your employer, wider society
• What would you miss most if you had to leave work?
• What pleases you most as a home-maker?
• Are you making-do for financial reasons, but have an inkling that your calling – a role that's good for your heart – is still 'out there' somewhere?
• Is there a change you know you've just got to make … some day?
• In thinking about a new role, what's most attractive about your vision for that role?

• Your social self: relationships with family, friends, colleagues
• What do you most value in your relationships?
• How do you most enjoy spending time with other people?
• What do you enjoy discussing or participating in?
• What exactly do you value? Camaraderie, challenge, stimulation, others' unusual take on things?
• Supporting, being supported; loving, being loved.

• Your 'ecological' self: you in relationship with your environment
• There may be some correspondence with your spiritual self here: the natural world nurtures the spiritual life of many people (that's why I chose that picture for the banner at the top of the page!).
• What do you value in the way your home, garden, yard, window-box make you feel?
• What does time in the park, walking the dog, riding, time in remote places do for you?
• How do wild places impact on your sense of self and your place in creation?
• What do you most value as you reflect on you, your home, local community, your place in the landscape, the interdependence of living things?

PRIORITIZING Your Personal Goal Setting Values

Last step!

You need to prioritise your personal goal setting values. You may already know from the exercise which values are most important to you … and therefore ought to play an important part in your goal setting. If so fine. If not …

• Skim your notes. What ideas keep recurring?
• Which values are closest to your heart?
• What quiet, but insistent, voice might you have been ignoring?
• Go through the notes you've made and count the value-words you've written: what are the five top-scores?
• Let it go – take a walk. De-focus and see what shows up in your peripheral vision; or speaks to you quietly; or makes you feel warm and nourished; or smells like home.
• Sleep on it … and remember to keep a notebook by your bed to record dreams, or sudden realizations that may go bump in the night!

Lastly, you need to get to personal goal setting and action planning ...

As promised here's that link to the personal development goals page again. It deals with the nuts and bolts of SMART goal setting, and more. You will make better use of it now, I'm sure.

The article goal setting lessons (opens in a new window) includes some of the material on SMART personal goal setting, but also has some complementary material

And here's to your personal goal setting … goals that reflect your authentic self.

Shine on!